Born to be a LeadHER

“Do you want to see him one last time?” On the morning of January 27th, 2022, I was woken up by the news that my grandfather was gone. He passed away in the morning with my dad by his side, in as much peace as he could be, given his heart condition. I walked down the stairs slowly sobbing. The smell hit me first, of smoky incense and diyas, Indian candles, being burnt around his room in an effort to “honor his departed soul.” As “I am sorry” turned into “he is in a better place now,” all I could do was stare at his lifeless body. A long white sheet enveloped his small frame as if trying to shield him from any more suffering. The only part of him that was visible was one of his pale hands, which rested far enough from his body to not be covered. On his hand was the only tattoo my grandfather had, the Hindu symbol for “Om.” Although his hand was wrinkled and bony, and his heart had stopped pumping blood to it hours ago, his tattoo was still visible. Through angry tears, I stared at his tattoo feeling nothing but hatred. As it taunted me, all I could think was, “If God was so good, fair, and just, then why did my grandfather have to suffer for so long? He was a teacher and had dedicated his life to serving God through helping others. What did he do to deserve a painful death?” At that moment, my dislike of religion grew into resentment as I blamed God for my grandfather’s suffering in an attempt to fill the gaping hole in my heart. However, I could not avoid religion because after what felt like five minutes, I was thrown into Hindu rituals, prayers, and traditions. Mindlessly participating in century old traditions only prolonged the pain of my grandfather’s death and I felt suffocated by religious ideas I could not seem to understand or prove. The only thing I wondered endlessly was why people blindly believe in religion, when God has never been proven to exist.
Religion has been around almost as long as humanity has been and approximately 85% of the world’s population is estimated to identify with a religion (“Religion by Country”). But to understand why people believe it, it is important to know why it was created. My grandfather used to tell me many stories about the origin of religion, stories about brave heroes saving villages and sacrificing themselves to help others. When I was eight years old, I was inspired by these stories and wanted to be just like the people he idolized. They motivated me to treat others with kindness, have empathy, and be brave. However, when I look at the world today, I see a place where the idea of religion is responsible for causing suffering through wars, bombings, and division. The United States Institute of Peace published a report that said, “No major religion has been exempt from complicity in violent conflict” (Smock). Religion has been at the middle of many conflicts because it is a concept purely based on blind faith that cannot be logically tested or proven, however, it was not always like that. Joshua J. Mark, the co-founder and editor of the World History Encyclopedia, says that religion was created in Mesopotamia in 3500 BCE (Mark). Other world religions, such as Hinduism, Christianity, and Islam follow the beliefs of the Sumerians, Egyptians, Phoenicians, Greeks, and Romans but use different rituals (Mark). Mark states that the Mesopotamian people believed, “Humans were created, in fact, for this very purpose: to work with and for the gods toward a mutually beneficial end…The gods repaid humans for their service by taking care of their daily needs in life… and maintaining the world in which they lived” (Mark). Society in Mesopotamia was structured around religion because they believed that their life’s duty was to work with the gods. Therefore, the root of religion lies in human sacrifice and labor. Blind faith worked for people in Mesopotamia because the lack of technology and resources made it difficult for individuals to gain power at that time. Since its origin, religion has been used as motivation for people to think about how they can help their communities in exchange for an unknown “power” keeping them safe. In a way, that makes the idea of religion essential to society today because religion expels parts of human selfishness and greed. Reverend Kate Flexer, who leads the Saint Michael’s Episcopal Church on the Upper West Side of New York, agrees that religion is essential to society and says, “I think it’s to be people who want a greater good, and I think also to be people who keep a sense of hope alive, even when things are dark, that’s what religion can offer” (Flexer). Although it has led to plenty of harm, religion also seems to establish a community for people to bond and connect all over the world and therefore serves a purpose to society, which is what makes it so popular worldwide. Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists is a fundamental human need (“Oxford Languages”). But why do humans need purpose and the hope that stems from it? Why is life detrimental without those things? After conducting studies and research, Doctor Kendall Cotton Bronk, an educational psychologist who earned her doctorate from Stanford University, has concluded that finding a purpose is essential in life because it “links people of all historical epochs, social-cultural backgrounds, economic circumstances, and geographical settings. It is a timeless, universal feature of human experience” (Bronk). One of the reasons religion is followed is because it creates a community based on a shared purpose given by God. When someone starts to lose their feeling of purpose, they can become suicidal and depressed. “If they do not let me go home, I will jump out of a window” and “I don’t want to live like this anymore” are only a few of the phrases my grandfather said to me that I will never forget. After being in the hospital for three weeks due to his heart attack, my grandfather started to become depressed and hopeless because he was diagnosed with chronic heart failure. He started looking weaker each time I Facetimed him. He lost a lot of weight, could never catch his breath, and had constant chest pain, which all contributed to his depression. Approximately 20% of the patients with chronic heart failure suffer from depression and have a higher risk for hospitalization, which worsens the depression (Koehler). As he lost control of what decisions were being made about his health, my grandfather felt more anxious and unwilling to keep trying to survive, since he felt like he no longer had a reason to live. He said that the only reason he kept fighting to survive was because he was raised to believe that there was always a reason behind suffering and God would indicate to him when it was “time to go.” A study done by the Wiley Online Library says that a mix of pharmaceutical and psychological treatments can help patients lessen symptoms of depression (Koehler). Religion became my grandfather’s form of psychological treatment as he grappled with the concept of his own mortality and beliefs. A study conducted by Thomas Swan, who has a PhD in experimental psychology and specializes in the cognitive science of religion, found that elderly and hospitalized people close to death who scored high on intrinsic religiosity tests had less death anxiety and were more likely to accept their fate (Swan). This study suggests that people who practice religion are “better equipped to cope” with the thought of death (Swan). The support my grandfather received from the people at our local temple, religious friends, and pundits online helped him tremendously by reaffirming his belief in his faith. When Reverend Kate Flexer was asked if she has seen religion help people get through tough times in their lives, she said yes, because it helps people reevaluate their purpose through the perspective of “something bigger than just them” (Flexer). Thus, religion became my grandfather’s escape from the isolation and chaos of the ICU to a global community much bigger, connected by faith, hope, and purpose.

Another perspective on the reason religion was created is to satisfy the human need for community, unity, and socialism, says Brandon Ambrosino, an expert on the history of religion. Religion is thought to be a human phenomenon that became what it is due to evolution which formed the fundamentals of religion around human needs (Ambrosino). Ambrosino says, “religion is the shared reverence for the supernatural, sacred, or spiritual as well as the symbols, rituals, and worship that are associated with it” (Ambrosino). Religion is built on the concept of a shared human experience, which is why all world religions are so similar. This means that the importance of religion is not the specific scriptures and traditions, but instead, the importance of religion lies in the shared experience between people and the support provided in religious communities. Reverend Kate Flexer also agrees with this and says that religion can provide a space to connect with other people and “to be known which is what everybody needs.” People need to feel like part of a community, especially when going through a tough time. When his heart started to fail, my grandfather continued to believe that God was watching him, which made him want to carry on being a good person. Watching my grandfather try to find a reason to be happy each day as he was slowly dying was extremely painful, but also inspiring. He tried to call and give advice to all of his friends throughout each week and continued to cook food for our family because he believed that his job as a teacher/advisor and caretaker was not done. He did this because the main lifestyle “rules” of Hinduism are, “Each person on the planet has a duty (dharma) which only they can perform. If one acts rightly (karma) in the performance of that duty, then one is rewarded by moving closer to the supreme being and eventually becoming one with God” (Mark). The idea of karma, being rewarded for good behavior, and punished for immoral behavior gave people a purpose by inspiring them to complete their dharma. My grandfather kept donating most of his pension to charities in India until the day he died because even though he did not have many things of his own, he empathized with the community he had once been a part of. He always combated his depression with the thought of his infinite duty to God, his dharma, which gave him a purpose and reason to live. The feeling of purpose he got from religion is the reason that he came back to his beliefs during the hardest time of his life. When asked if religion helps people come to terms with death, Reverend Kate Flexer said, “Absolutely, it does…the sense of an afterlife, the idea that death is not the final answer gives a larger hope and meaning to the suffering that they’re going through” (Flexer). Religion has many benefits when it is not being used to cause division, since it unites people through a sense of purpose and inspires them to be the best versions of themselves through the idea of fulfilling their duty to God.

Looking back on the time after my grandfather’s death, I now realize that religion did not only make me angry, it also provided me with a feeling of comfort. One of Hinduism’s beliefs is that after death a person’s soul is at peace with God. The thought of my grandfather’s soul being at peace gave me more consolation than trying to imagine what happens to people after death. Religion provided answers to the questions that gave me the most anxiety at the time. That is the reason religion is attractive to people, it answers the questions people have about their future, therefore, lessening their anxiety. It also encourages people to grow, make good decisions, and cope with the thought of their own mortality (Swan). This means that religion is simply a tool used by society to encourage people to be kind, empathetic, and not let fear control their lives. It creates communities where people can be vulnerable and connect with others which is a human need. No one actually knows if people are “in a better place” after they die, but that belief keeps people from having to think about what truly happens after death. Reverend Flexer also adds that she does not think religion is truly the cause of many conflicts, such as wars. She believes that religion is the cloak being placed over the human need for power, dominance, and greed that causes conflict. If religion is broken down to a concept without the influence of human emotions, the idea is not as far-fetched as I originally thought. It answers the tough questions we as humans have about the unknown and addresses our fear of the future with teachings like, everything happens for a reason.” Humans need the connection, support, and comfort religion provides.

After conducting research, Brandon Ambrosino agrees, “Perhaps religious beliefs are the result of psychological mechanisms that evolved to solve ecological problems unrelated to religion” (Ambrosino). Without people and the cultural set of assumptions they carry, religion is simply an idea that grew with the evolution of the human race to help people solve problems. Even though religious extremists have caused many people to suffer, religion has also been at the front of many social changes and fights against injustice. Through looking at the history of religion and analyzing multiple perspectives and studies, religion has been proven to be helpful because of the shared experience it creates for people, through helping them in their darkest moments, guiding them through their fears, and supporting them when they feel alone.

Although I used to believe that religion was a meaningless fairytale believed in mindlessly, I now understand that it is a tool people gravitate towards in order to connect and support each other, find purpose and meaning in life’s suffering, and generate faith in a universe of doubt, powerlessness, and unpredictability. Religion relies on faith, the act of believing without proof, to provide people with a unique sense of comfort and purpose in life. Even though I despised religion after the death of my grandfather, I still looked for the familiar feeling of comfort religion previously provided me. Longing to feel like everything was going to be okay, I discovered that same feeling of comfort through blind optimism, which I now realize is not overly different from religion. I desperately attempted to blame God for my grandfather’s suffering without considering that religion and limitless hope are simply concepts created to provide people with temporary peace. They offer a break from reality and help people cope with different circumstances in their life, such as tragedies, at their own pace. They allow people to ignore things that are unexplainable, such as the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and no one can do anything to change that. Religion is one of the things that shields people from the fact that life is full of injustice, just like I used blind optimism to shield myself from the heartbreak caused by my grandfather’s death. Consequently, I now understand why people believe in religion because all I want to do is believe that my grandfather is in a better place now and free from his suffering. Religion has become my bridge to my grandfather, built on a belief-based system that cannot be proven, exactly like faith is. Now, as I remember the last glance I took at my grandfather’s tattoo before they cremated his body, I have promised myself that I will get the same tattoo on my hand to remind me to carry his unwavering faith in my heart, since I remember how religion inspired my grandfather to be the remarkable person he was.

Works Cited
Ambrosino, Brandon. “How and Why Did Religion Evolve?” BBC Future, BBC, 18 Apr. 2019,

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190418-how-and-why-did-religion-evolve. Bronk, Kendall Cotton. Purpose in Life: A Critical Component of Optimal Youth Development.

Springer, 2014.
Flexer, Kate. Personal Interview. 11 May 2022.

Koehler, Johanna, et al. “Telemonitoring in Patients with Chronic Heart Failure and Moderate Depressed Symptoms: Results of the Telemedical Interventional Monitoring in Heart Failure (TIM-HF) Study.” Wiley Online Library, 15 Oct. 2020, https://doi.org/10.1002/ejhf.2025.

Mark, Joshua J. “Religion in the Ancient World.” World History Encyclopedia, World History Encyclopedia, 23 Mar. 2018, https://www.worldhistory.org/religion/.

“Oxford Languages and Google – English.” Oxford Languages, https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/.

“Religion by Country 2022.” World Population Review, 2022, https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/religion-by-country.

Smock, David. “Religion in World Affairs: Its Role in Conflict and Peace.” United States Institute of Peace, 26 Dec. 2013, https://www.usip.org/publications/ 2008/02/religion-world-affairs-its-role-conflict-and-peace.

Swan, Thomas. “Comfort Theories of Religion.” Owlcation, Owlcation, 29 Oct. 2013, https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/Comfort-Theories-of-Religion.